Thoughts
Thursday, 3 April 2014 ♔
0 comments ♥
Finally, the thoughts of blogging is back again! Rave angela, pats self on back. Just a sudden thought.....lately I feel like I'm such a selfish person. In a big pool of doubt, I found a girl whom I never want to end up being like, but the one I saw struggling in that pool, was myself. Every time I see someone doing something I dislike, I'll go "oh I'll never want to be like you", but who knows? I ended being one of them. It utterly disgust me.
I used to spend some time making effort to think back my day and jot down what I'm thankful for on a daily basis, but as days passed by, I realized the more I am unsatisfied with the world, with what's happening around me. But who am I to? Honestly, there's so many people struggling just to stay alive each day and there's me, indulging in all the needless things in life and never take the effort to really be someone better. I'm living in such a bliss I've never comprehend.
Feeling aimless all the time.
Having the chance to actually sloth around at home, I'm feeling aimless all the time. To the point I hope I can attend school all over again. Then again, when I was given the chance to work hard during o's period, I couldn't give more than a damn. I just don't know what I really want in life. It's almost a struggle everyday I wake up and ask myself what I'll do today to make myself feel better.
The bitterness in my every time I see people living better off without me.
I'm not someone people can tolerate staying with for a long time I believe. Because all the time I'm being myself I disliked me. For someone like me, usually you won't want to double the effort to keep me by your side. All the time I see someone I'm familiar and comfortable with feels better being with someone else apart from me, it breaks me up all the time, I repeat all the time. I'm really selfish, I guess? If they're people that I truly care shouldn't I be in comfort that they're with someone better than I am? In my mind I often ask myself "am I not someone they care about?", "why won't it be me the one you care about anymore?". The truth is, I've no rights to take into control why they should care for me, the fact that I'm underserving dissed the point more.
I feel like I've no true friends.
Yes! I feel like I've no friends that I can blabber everything to. To think back I've hidden so much about myself to others just to portray myself as someone better, of a higher ranking. But now I dislike the girl that people known me as, it's not even me. It's not someone I feel comfortable as. To be able to say everything through my heart will mean that I'll hit the possibility of losing my close friends. I don't want to. Call me selfish, I really am. As much as I've a bunch of my favourite girls from all around that I loved to show the world because they're such a lovely bunch, but it just feels different from someone you speak all your secrets to.
Fandom problems. All the time.
Starting to feel more and more out of place, and it definitely hurts. As much as I love the boys I guess it's time I slowly give up chasing so crazily because I see no point anymore. Not that my love for them lessen any ways but I guess it will makes me feel better this way. I still update myself about their movements and watch all their videos when I have the time, but I feel alil' sick every time I enter my account just to learn more about them and ended up feeling grossed out by the rate how people changed over time. I thought so long as your love for them are genuine, it will be fine. Everything will be fine, but it doesn't seem like so anymore. I'll try to get out but I can only say there's no guarantee because there's so many people that I care for in beast and also people that I met through them. It's almost impossible for me to cut all ties with them all because they're the reason why I'm keeping myself heartened and optimistic each day. No lies. I don't feel as comfortable even with people I spent 4 years in high school. All my girls that spent through all the pains with me, I'm so thankful each day. For braving everything together and keeping the spirit on.
The thought of starting school all over again sick me. I don't like meeting new friends all over again being such an awkward girl. =( I want to start learning all over again, so I'll brave through all these, with my new bunch of friends, or alone I'll break through everything that I've to overcome.
Become a better person, angela, that's always your goal, don't get out of that line and be someone everyone dislike.
Thoughts
Thursday, 3 April 2014 | 07:25 |
0 comments ♥
Finally, the thoughts of blogging is back again! Rave angela, pats self on back. Just a sudden thought.....lately I feel like I'm such a selfish person. In a big pool of doubt, I found a girl whom I never want to end up being like, but the one I saw struggling in that pool, was myself. Every time I see someone doing something I dislike, I'll go "oh I'll never want to be like you", but who knows? I ended being one of them. It utterly disgust me.
I used to spend some time making effort to think back my day and jot down what I'm thankful for on a daily basis, but as days passed by, I realized the more I am unsatisfied with the world, with what's happening around me. But who am I to? Honestly, there's so many people struggling just to stay alive each day and there's me, indulging in all the needless things in life and never take the effort to really be someone better. I'm living in such a bliss I've never comprehend.
Feeling aimless all the time.
Having the chance to actually sloth around at home, I'm feeling aimless all the time. To the point I hope I can attend school all over again. Then again, when I was given the chance to work hard during o's period, I couldn't give more than a damn. I just don't know what I really want in life. It's almost a struggle everyday I wake up and ask myself what I'll do today to make myself feel better.
The bitterness in my every time I see people living better off without me.
I'm not someone people can tolerate staying with for a long time I believe. Because all the time I'm being myself I disliked me. For someone like me, usually you won't want to double the effort to keep me by your side. All the time I see someone I'm familiar and comfortable with feels better being with someone else apart from me, it breaks me up all the time, I repeat all the time. I'm really selfish, I guess? If they're people that I truly care shouldn't I be in comfort that they're with someone better than I am? In my mind I often ask myself "am I not someone they care about?", "why won't it be me the one you care about anymore?". The truth is, I've no rights to take into control why they should care for me, the fact that I'm underserving dissed the point more.
I feel like I've no true friends.
Yes! I feel like I've no friends that I can blabber everything to. To think back I've hidden so much about myself to others just to portray myself as someone better, of a higher ranking. But now I dislike the girl that people known me as, it's not even me. It's not someone I feel comfortable as. To be able to say everything through my heart will mean that I'll hit the possibility of losing my close friends. I don't want to. Call me selfish, I really am. As much as I've a bunch of my favourite girls from all around that I loved to show the world because they're such a lovely bunch, but it just feels different from someone you speak all your secrets to.
Fandom problems. All the time.
Starting to feel more and more out of place, and it definitely hurts. As much as I love the boys I guess it's time I slowly give up chasing so crazily because I see no point anymore. Not that my love for them lessen any ways but I guess it will makes me feel better this way. I still update myself about their movements and watch all their videos when I have the time, but I feel alil' sick every time I enter my account just to learn more about them and ended up feeling grossed out by the rate how people changed over time. I thought so long as your love for them are genuine, it will be fine. Everything will be fine, but it doesn't seem like so anymore. I'll try to get out but I can only say there's no guarantee because there's so many people that I care for in beast and also people that I met through them. It's almost impossible for me to cut all ties with them all because they're the reason why I'm keeping myself heartened and optimistic each day. No lies. I don't feel as comfortable even with people I spent 4 years in high school. All my girls that spent through all the pains with me, I'm so thankful each day. For braving everything together and keeping the spirit on.
The thought of starting school all over again sick me. I don't like meeting new friends all over again being such an awkward girl. =( I want to start learning all over again, so I'll brave through all these, with my new bunch of friends, or alone I'll break through everything that I've to overcome.
Become a better person, angela, that's always your goal, don't get out of that line and be someone everyone dislike.
